


Monster AU (Title Pending)

by PersoMena



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Multi, There might be sex, more to come - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27204080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PersoMena/pseuds/PersoMena
Summary: So this idea wouldn't leave me alone.  I had to write it.  (note: I don't know how the relationship tags work; I hope I chose the romantic version of those.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Everyone, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 30
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Logan dashed through the dark forest, trying to keep his eyes forward rather than looking behind him at the werewolf that was hot on his heels.

 _How did I get into this?_ Logan had just been planning on a quick search for a glowing flower in this forest. But then he’d rounded a corner and wound up face-to-face with the werewolf instead. Ever the analyst, he’d taken note of the appearance in an instant: humanoid torso, wolf feet, wickedly clawed hands and a wolf’s head. They’d just stared at each other for a moment, but then the werewolf had bared its teeth and growled. Logan had cautiously stepped backwards, hoping not to trip over anything. But then the werewolf had thrown its head back and howled. That had been the last straw, and even though Logan knew it wasn’t the best idea he’d turned around and run.

There had only been one howl, but he could hear it behind him. He didn’t know where was safe, so he could only hope that he could get away from it soon.

Then he tilted his flashlight up and caught sight of a green-gold gleam off to his right ahead of him.

A green-gold gleam…that moved.

Logan slammed on the brakes and turned to run in a new direction around the time he saw the head and realized that he was looking at a giant snake that had turned to look at him.

_That snake shouldn’t be here! Snakes shouldn’t get that big in this forest!_

The undergrowth rustled and even more twigs snapped - _oh joy, now_ both _creatures are following me_ \- but he was managing to stay ahead of them.

Then he nearly ran smack into a giant _spider_ and dropped his flashlight as he found his second wind and spun in a new direction, the new creature in pursuit.

Logan’s lungs were burning, his legs were burning, and then one thought broke into the litany of “run” that was in his brain:

_I’m being herded somewhere._

Outrunning a werewolf, sure. Outrunning a giant snake, okay. Outrunning a giant spider? No way. That one should have caught him.

He didn’t know how much longer he was running, but then he saw a light ahead and a little to his left.

This was probably a trap, but Logan was too frightened to really care; he swerved towards the light and a few paces later he broke free from the forest, tripping and falling.

It was a house right on the edge of the forest, a single light flickering in one window. It looked secure, not dilapidated at all. The light said that yes, someone was home and even awake.

Logan scrambled to his feet, crashed into the door and pounded against it. “Help!” he gasped, unable to get enough oxygen to speak properly as he could hear the creatures coming closer.

The door opened suddenly. Logan fell on his face again – this time inside – a hand grabbed the back of his shirt and dragged him further in, and the door was closed behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we see all is not what it seems.

The hand released the back of Logan’s shirt, and then it settled in front of him.

Logan squinted at it, trying to figure out what was wrong with it aside from the obvious of it was slightly blurry since he’d lost his glasses outside. But before he could pinpoint the problem, suddenly his forearms were grabbed by some odd things and hauled to his feet.

_That…wasn’t a hand that dragged me inside. That was a foot -_

Logan looked up into the person’s face. Thankfully(?), he was being held close enough that his nearsightedness was overridden.

The skin was pale, the hair was brown and stringy, the ears were huge and pointed, the eyes were dark and bloodshot, the nose was virtually nonexistent and only present as a pair of nostrils, and the mouth was thin and wide.

Logan stared, and then he started struggling – not too hard, because he wasn’t sure where he was even going to go; the door opened inward, and he couldn’t be more than two steps away from it anyway.

The creature – a vampire, maybe? – tightened its grip on his forearms and walked backward, away from the door. It reached the other side of the living room and then stopped.

Logan heard the door open behind him and shut his eyes, unsure what was going to happen next.

“We’re not going to hurt you,” a weird voice reached his ears from in front of him. “Could you please hear us out?” A whistle sounded with each S sound.

Logan’s eyes snapped back open. That…had been the vampire. “I…don’t suppose I have much choice?”

The vampire’s hideous face twisted in a grimace that revealed its huge fangs. Then it schooled its features back into a neutral expression and…let go. “You always have a choice.”

A low hiss came from behind him, and the vampire glanced up and past him. Then the vampire let out a high whistling sigh. “Virgil’s got your glasses, if you really want them back.”

Logan cautiously turned around. There were now three blurry shapes filling the living room. “Ah, which of them is Virgil?”

“On the left.”

Logan cautiously stepped towards that blur, squinting and trying to make out shapes. He’d only taken two steps before he realized that “Virgil” was the giant spider. It took him another couple of seconds to decide what to do, but then he held his hand out palm up.

A hairy limb came up underneath his hand, and then his glasses were placed tentatively into his palm.

“Thank you.” He pulled his hand back and turned his glasses around.

A slight laugh came from behind him as he put his glasses back on. “Somehow, I don’t think you’ll be saying that in a minute. He looks worse in the light.”

Logan looked up.

Virgil was, indeed, an enormous dark brown spider. However, Logan could see some lighter markings speckling across his legs and abdomen, so he couldn’t truly say that this creature looked worse. Next to him was the enormous green-gold snake, coiled in the middle of the room. And on the right, casting wary looks across at Virgil, was the werewolf in all his light brown glory.

“My name is Roman,” the vampire said from behind him. “The snake is Janus, and the werewolf is Patton. And of course you’ve already met Virgil.”

Patton wagged his tail and barked once, while Janus chose to let out a slow tongue flick. Virgil lifted up one leg and very slightly waved it at him, somehow conveying a snarky attitude.

“Ah. Well. My name is Logan.” Then he stepped aside and looked at Roman again. “Now I suppose I ought to hear you out?”

Roman fussed with his arms, which had skin extending along them and his hands were distorted as if they were trying to be bat wings and human hands at the same time. “Ah…in a word, all five of us are cursed.”

Logan set his hands together in a T. “Timeout. Five?”

Roman winced. “Yeaaahhh…the last one’s my brother Remus. The curse kinda locked him in the bathroom, you can meet him later if you…but anyway, a curse was put on all five of us, and only a completely normal human can break the curse. We…can’t tell you how to break the curse, unfortunately.”

Logan glanced around at all of them. Somehow, he figured that Roman’s unfinished sentence was probably going to end with “if you agree.” And that made sense: if he didn’t agree to attempt breaking the curse, then there was no reason to meet the final member of the cursed quintet.

Roman grimaced again. “Oh, and as a side note, I apologize for these three scaring you. But unfortunately, of the five of us I’m the only one who can talk at all. None of them could explain.”

Virgil rotated to stare at the wall nearest him. Janus straightened a bit and stared pointedly at the opposite wall from Virgil. Patton was the most heartbreaking of the lot: dropping to all fours, tucking his tail between his legs, dropping his ears, and staring up at him with big sad eyes.

Logan couldn’t stand for long under that stare. “It’s…fine. I get it, you lot are desperate for magical rehabilitation. And you couldn’t send Roman to find me because…” he turned and gave Roman a bit more of a look up and down. Roman’s legs were nearly skin and bone, with long bony toes on his extremely flat feet. “…you wouldn’t have been able to maneuver very easily.”

Roman grimaced again. “I hate what that curse did to my legs! It’s almost as bad as what happened to my face! I was handsome once!”

Logan could honestly say he’d never heard a spider laugh before. He could also say that it was a unique sound.

Roman pointed past him at Virgil, his ears swiveling. “Shut up!”

Logan looked back at the group. Janus had turned to look at him again. He was still a snake, with that unblinking stare, and yet…there was so much emotion inside that stare. Not to mention Patton was still staring sadly at him.

Well, there was no fighting that sad face. Logan sighed. “I’ll do it.”

There were three sighs of relief in the room, but they paled in comparison to Patton: he jumped up, his ears perking up and tail lifting and wagging. And the next thing Logan knew, he was being hugged and his face was getting covered in doggy kisses.

“You,” Logan managed to get out while trying to squirm away, “are a terrible werewolf, how was I scared of you?”


	3. Chapter 3

An arrangement was quickly worked out.

Logan wasn’t to be a prisoner; he could come and go as he pleased, although Roman requested that he come over a lot (and Patton’s begging said the same thing).

The first thing that they made sure to do was help Logan return to a point where he could get back to his own home. Virgil had mimed that if this was something they were going to do, they had to do it _now_ before the scent grew too cold. So Roman wrote down the house’s address (and Logan had copied it and showed it to him for confirmation, since thanks to his new hands the vampire’s handwriting was atrocious), and Patton sniffed his way out the door and led Logan back to the edge of the forest that he’d entered through via Logan’s own scent.

Logan hadn’t found the glowing flower, but somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to be disappointed. He got online, entered the address into his map, and printed out directions to it so that he could return using a more conventional route.

He arrived and knocked on the door. Almost immediately, barking sounded from within. _Patton, you truly are a terrible werewolf._ Unlike with a true dog, Patton was the one to open the door for him; after all, there was no reason for him to wait for Roman when technically his hands still resembled human ones – just with more hair and doglike nails.

Roman approached him next, and there was such joy and hope on that grotesque face that Logan realized the vampire hadn’t really expected him to come back. “I said I’d help you, didn’t I?” He glanced around. “Where are Janus and Virgil?”

“Ah…hunting.”

That brought Logan to a halt as Roman closed the door. “Are you serious?”

“Not really; they hunt after dark when people are less likely to see them. More likely they’re asleep, saving up their energy for tonight’s hunt.”

Logan thought about that as he went over to the dining room table and sat down. “So…that is a question I didn’t think to ask when I was here last night – admittedly I wasn’t in a normal state of mind last night. What do you lot do for food?” Patton was truly starting to look like a malnourished thing, his ribs just barely visible.

Roman sighed. “Janus, Virgil and Remus are dealing with the side effects of the curse better than Patton and myself. We can’t eat human food anymore, although Patton still tries sometimes. What they’ll do is go out and try to catch a deer once every couple of weeks. I take a little of its blood, Virgil drains the rest, and then Janus swallows the thing whole.” He shuddered. “I hate this arrangement, but it’s the best we can do.”

 _Okay…_ Logan glanced at Patton. “And you don’t take any of the deer?”

Patton whimpered from where he was sitting on the floor, and Roman translated what the werewolf was probably attempting to say. “Killing upsets him. I think he finds prey mammals too cute to eat.” Patton’s nod confirmed that.

“What about Remus?”

Roman whistled another sigh. “While Patton doesn’t want to hurt mice, rats, rabbits or deer, he doesn’t have a problem going after fish. He can’t bring himself to actually eat the fish, but that’s all Remus can eat so Patton’s giving him a hand.”

Logan considered all he’d been told. “I have two questions about what you have just informed me. One, how long have you been suffering under this curse? You’d specifically stated that Janus and Virgil try for one deer every ‘couple of weeks,’ implying that you’ve been trapped for at least long enough to have established this as a routine…”

“A couple of months now.”

“And my second question: do you have _any_ human food left in this house?”

Roman looked around as if expecting a loaf of bread or a box of crackers to magically appear. “…I don’t think so. The first week of being here cursed, Patton got into a bag of chocolate chip cookies and got really sick. Virgil panicked, cocooned all the human food in silk, and ran away with it to probably throw it in a public dumpster somewhere. And this is Virgil’s house, so if anyone would know if any human food’s left here somewhere it’d be him.”

Logan considered Patton, who looked like he was trying to decide what he was feeling. “You appear to need help first. I think that before we even attempt to break this curse, I should try to get you into some better physical condition. I don’t want to insult your humanity with this, Patton,” Patton glanced up at him, “but as you’re currently unable to digest human food, would you be willing to accept dog food?”

Patton growled – no, that was his stomach – and he nodded.

“Very well, I shall go remedy this situation and be back within the hour.”

~

Logan was as good as his word. He returned with a pound-bag of dry food and a couple of cans of wet food. “I didn’t want to go overboard with the wet food when we don’t know how long Patton will remain unable to consume human food. However,” he turned to properly address Patton, who’d walked over and taken the bag from him, “you seem to have enough of a sense of humor that you’d probably finish off the dry food even if you became human again tomorrow, calling it dry cereal. Therefore I chose a brand with ingredients that, ah…”

Patton dug around in the kitchen, found a dusty bowl, rinsed it a bit, and filled it with some of the kibble. Then he turned around and lifted his arms in Logan’s general direction, palms down, and staggered slowly a few paces with his eyes almost crossing, his jaws gaping and his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. A low gag came from his throat.

Roman laughed. “Let me guess, Pat: you’re finishing Lo’s sentence.” He straightened up a bit and straightened an imaginary pair of glasses. “Therefore I chose a brand with ingredients that I’d be willing to eat if we suddenly ended up in the zombie apocalypse and there was nothing else available.” He dropped the pretense. “Right?”

Patton stopped pretending to be a zombie and nodded, panting, as he turned around and retrieved his bowl.

Logan rolled his eyes. “I suppose that’s one way of putting it. Now, ah…may I use your facilities?”

Roman stared at him for a few seconds, long enough for Logan to remember that the vampire had said his brother’s version of the curse had “locked” him in the bathroom. “Um…yeah, you can. I’ll accompany you long enough to introduce you to Remus, and then leave you to it.” He turned and started walking.

“Is there only one bathroom on the premises?” Logan asked as he followed. Although thinking about it, the house _was_ rather small; it was large enough to have multiple rooms, true, but it wasn’t truly big enough to justify having two bathrooms.

“Just the one.” He arrived at the door and knocked. “Remus? I’m coming in, and remember that guy I told you about who agreed to help? He’s coming in too.”

A splash sounded from inside, and something hit the door with a muffled squeak.

Roman opened the door and glanced at Logan. “Patton gave him his rubber ducky so that he hopefully wouldn’t be bored out of his mind in here. He throws it at the door as a way of letting people who need to come in know he’s awake.”

Logan nodded in acknowledgement.

Roman entered, and Logan followed him. “Remus, this is Logan; Logan, Remus.”

All Logan could do for a minute was stare at the murky green creature before him almost completely filling the bathtub. Many tentacles or arms spilled over the sides of the tub, and the body itself bore closer family resemblance to a giant squid. A giant squid…or something else.

Remus’s exact angle meant Logan could only see one of his eyes, but that eye sparked with humor as one tentacle lifted up and waved.

“I…think I’m pleased to make your acquaintance.”

The eye rolled once as some of the tentacles knotted themselves. Then Remus’s eye fixed on Roman and the waving tentacle jabbed sharply at the wall or the floor or – 

Roman picked up a large yellow rubber duck from the floor. “Here,” he pitched it in Remus’s general direction. A tentacle shot up and wrapped around its neck, dragging it over. “Well,” he bowed to Logan, “I’ll leave you to it.” And he left the room.

Leaving Logan alone with this…thing.

Logan looked suspiciously at Remus. Remus stared innocently back. It seemed that over half of the individuals who had been cursed had become creatures that couldn’t blink. “Not one word.”

The water in the tub bubbled (a fart, or a raspberry?) as Remus rolled his eye again, and Logan belatedly remembered that Roman had specifically said that he was the only one of the five who still had speech. “Also, keep your tentacles to yourself!” he reached up and yanked the shower curtain closed.

 _Breaking the curse on_ him _will likely be one of the more difficult things._


	4. Chapter 4

Logan dropped into a decent system after that.

He’d come over to have breakfast with Patton, the only one of the five who now had a regular feeding schedule. It was entertaining to see a werewolf sitting at a table attempting to eat dry food with a spoon like a human.

After breakfast, he’d take a book into the bathroom and read to Remus. Remus really was bored, and the rubber duck had apparently been fun for about a half hour on the first day. (Ducky was relegated to a simplistic speech piece, with one squeak meaning yes and two meaning no.) Logan had bought him a whiteboard and markers so that he could write or draw as he pleased, and while he would write complex sentences, he mostly just drew pictures that ranged from grotesque to naughty. Logan always made sure to compliment the picture before settling down to read, and Remus would erase the picture and draw a new one for the next day. And one chapter, with Remus keeping one eye fixed on him, was enough to make Remus the happiest miniature kraken on the planet.

After going back to his house for lunch, he’d return for a game of chess with Janus. It was so interesting to watch that giant snake carefully use the tip of his tail to push a piece one square, or gently grip a piece in his massive jaws to jump it across the board. (He rarely moved the knights.)

The remainder of the afternoon was spent talking with Roman. Roman was starved for being able to have a true conversation with someone, anyone, since nobody else in the quintet was capable of speech. They would get into arguments about Disney, and Roman would admit later that he’d actually had the time of his life. He even worked up the courage to show Logan his singing voice. It was rather screechy, but Logan did commend him for his skill in “making a bad instrument sound good.”

Only Virgil remained aloof, staying holed up in a back room. Roman reassured Logan that this was normal for him, being extremely anxious.

Logan knew that talking about how to break the curse was out of bounds for Roman. He’d walk over to a room where Roman was talking to Patton or Janus, and suddenly Roman would stop talking. When he asked, Roman would have to battle himself in order to tell him that “they’d” been talking about the method of breaking the curse.

Therefore, Logan was stuck doing research about curses to try to figure out the method himself.

About a month later, Logan went into the bathroom to read to Remus, glanced at the whiteboard, and paused.

The drawing was the same as yesterday: a shaky-lined self-portrait of Remus himself, with a human figure lying in front of him on his back…although the human’s head was underneath Remus’s body.

“You liked that picture?”

Remus squeaked the rubber duck once, and then twice.

 _Yes and no?_ Putting that temporarily out of his mind, he sat down and read another chapter to Remus. Then as he was leaving, he looked back at the tentacle-creature. “Are you trying to tell me something with that picture?”

Remus squeaked the rubber duck once.

Logan nodded pensively and left, closing the door behind him.

While he was eating his lunch, he thought about everything he’d observed.

Clearly, while the curse that was affecting all five of them had changed their biology drastically to the point where they could no longer ingest human food normally if at all, but it hadn’t changed who they were as people. Virgil was an anxious spider, Patton was a happy childish werewolf, Remus was a rather filthy-minded miniature kraken, Roman was an overly dramatic Disney-loving vampire, and Janus was a serious enigma disguised as a snake.

Remus’s picture was very shaky, like he was drawing while nervous…or while fighting the curse he was under. Then Logan remembered that there had been another case of a cursed man really struggling to do something.

One time when he came over, Roman was singing Disney songs and one song in particular was worse than usual: the song “True Love’s Kiss” from Enchanted. That had stood out because he was able to sing other songs from that movie without any more trouble than usual.

“Obviously,” Logan commented, “the curse is having some trouble meshing ‘no talking about the curse’ with ‘do not change the personality’ with the twins.” Then he had an epiphany. “True Love’s Kiss.” Would a kiss break the curse?

He laughed softly. He could just imagine Remus arguing with the curse as he was drawing his picture. _“They’re not kissing, it’s eating his face!”_ That just seemed very Remus.

Sobering up, Logan thought about his theory. He didn’t know if it was right, but it had been long enough. He had to try something.

And he was going to start with Remus. Of all of them, he was probably “suffering” the most by being trapped in a single room; at least everyone else was mobile. However, Logan was _not_ sticking his head into the bathtub to try to get at Remus’s mouth, and he doubted that Remus would move into a different position if he just asked; he had to come up with a strategy to trick the kraken into flipping over.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, Logan entered the Monster House (as Roman occasionally called it) with a plan.

First, breakfast with Patton as usual – although the werewolf kept sniffing at him curiously, clearly sensing that something was up. Then he entered the bathroom and shut the door.

Remus was tossing the rubber duck from one tentacle to another and another, but he paused at Logan’s entrance.

“So I was talking to Roman yesterday,” Logan began, and he paused, waiting for acknowledgement.

The duck squeaked once.

“And he told me you could do a headstand in this form. I told him that that had to be a falsehood, as your current limbs couldn’t possibly be strong enough to support your weight.” Plus, he suspected that if Remus successfully pulled that trick off, he wouldn’t be able to hold it for long – not because of the strength required, but simply because he wouldn’t be able to breathe. Nobody had talked about exactly why he was confined to the bathroom, whether it was not having the capability to walk or because he now had gills instead of lungs…although with Remus’s spirit, Logan suspected the second.

The rubber duck’s next squeak somehow managed to sound indignant, and Remus dropped the duck. The water surged, all of his tentacles hit the floor around the tub, and after a couple of false starts he managed to invert his body, his eyes below the surface of the water.

Logan strode over to the tub, taking care not to step on any tentacles and tip off Remus as to what was about to happen, and took a look at this side of Remus he’d never seen before.

 _Well, that theory was right: Remus has a squid’s beak. Here goes nothing._ He leaned over and dropped a quick kiss right on the now-exposed beak.

Remus startled, all of his tentacles giving out and thrashing at the exact same time and dropping his full weight back into the water, causing an enormous splash that drenched Logan.

“Lovely, thank you,” Logan took his glasses off and shook them, trying to get them a bit dryer. While he was looking down, tentacles wrapped around him - _dang, I was really hoping that was what they were hinting at_ \- and dragged him against a damp, firm chest - _wait, what?_ When he looked up in surprise, he found his lips claimed by an unequivocally human mouth in a forceful kiss.

His glasses slipped from suddenly-nerveless fingers, but he didn’t hear them hit the floor through the blood roaring in his ears.

When he finally was let go, his glasses were put back onto his face – dry; evidently Remus had caught them when they fell and dried them off with a hand towel – and he was able to get his first look at the new Remus.

Remus was an inch or two taller than Logan, and his thick brown hair slightly resembled Roman’s, probably because of still being soaked. His face looked like Logan had always imagined Roman’s face would look if it were human, although maybe without a moustache or that manic grin. All of his tentacles were still present, but they were sprouting from his back. He had well-toned muscles...and he was naked.

“Ah. Um.” Logan glanced about the bathroom, flushing. “So, erm…”

Remus laughed. “Surprise!” He flexed his arms and wiggled his fingers. “Being boneless was cool and all, but I’m glad to have bones again!” He jumped out of the tub - 

\- and slipped on the wet floor.

Logan caught the wet humanoid before he hit the floor. “Steady! It’s been months since you’ve had legs, let alone used them.”

“Help me out, then! I wanna see Virge! He doesn’t come into the bathroom, I don’t know if he takes shits anymore!”

“You’re asking me to get you out into the main rooms of the house…in the buff?”

Remus grinned at him. “Eh, it’s nothing any of them haven’t seen.”

Logan slowly nodded. “…Very well. Now you have to actually help here, I’m not strong enough to drag you out of here.”

“Pity; it’d be nice to be carried to the bedroom again.”

Logan’s legs went on autopilot to get the two of them to the bathroom door – Remus opened the door with one of his tentacles – as his mind temporarily shorted out. _Did he just imply what I think he did?_

They staggered out of the bathroom and Remus levered himself off Logan and shouted. “Here, Patton! Here, boy!”

Roman made an appearance first, rounding the corner and staring. “Remus!”

Before Logan could explain, or Remus could answer, Patton came dashing around the corner and stopped dead for a second. Then he yelped in excitement and dashed forward again.

“Gently, gently!” Logan tried to caution as Patton threw himself into Remus’s arms. Although it seemed that Remus had things well in hand, as all his tentacles straightened backward to brace against the floor while the werewolf covered his face with doggy kisses.

Logan turned towards Roman. “So, ah…is there anything that I need to know about you five?”

Roman cast his eyes around. “…We’re all a bit of a thing. It’s not quite ‘everybody with everybody’ – some of us like some, some of us like others, but yeah. Like,” he waved a wing-hand, “I’m specifically with Janus and Virgil.”

Remus looked up from the kisses he was getting (and giving?) and grinned. “Room for one more with me, darling!” he called, winking at Logan.

Logan flushed again. “I’ll, ah…have to think about that one.”


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Logan came by with some human food, as well as some new legwear for Roman. Roman did have pants, but they were getting rather worn out. The vampire had reassured him that he and Remus did wear the same size, and Remus had declared that he’d take anything Roman didn’t want anymore. Remus did let Logan get a basic sense of what his size was (with a couple more inappropriate remarks) in order for Logan to get the right size.

Remus greeted him at the door with a kiss – which he still didn’t know how he felt about – while wearing Roman’s pants. “Welcome, nerd!”

“Thank you…Remus…here,” he opened the grocery bag and passed him a package of bacon. “I’m sure Patton would appreciate our shaking up his menu a little with this.”

Remus hugged him while a tentacle relieved him of his grocery bag. “Thanks, you’re a sweetie! Patty and I will deal with this stuff, you go give Ro his new pants.”

And that confirmed to Logan that Remus had probably stripped his brother, and Roman was hiding somewhere naked. “Alright…make enough for three, I’ll be there soon.” As he explored the rest of the house, he considered how breaking the curse even as much as he had had affected Remus. He had bones again, and he’d regained his lungs. Both of those features restored his ability to leave the bathroom. Honestly, Logan still wasn’t sure how they’d even gotten him in there without his suffocating on the way.

The first door he opened had Janus, coiled up and his head hidden. He knocked lightly. “Janus? Are you awake?”

For a few seconds, there was no response. Then the head lifted and looked at him.

“Hello. Is Roman in there with you?” Logan always spoke just a little bit louder to him, since his ears were covered by scales.

Janus shook his head.

“Thank you. You can go back to your nap, if that’s what you were doing.” Logan shut the door on Janus lowering his head back into his coils.

The next door Logan opened nearly gave both him and Virgil a heart attack. Virgil reared up and hissed, his foremost legs touching the ceiling and his fangs on full display. The sudden move from the giant spider caused Logan to drop his bag and startle backwards into the wall behind him. “Sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you! I’m looking for Roman, I have some new clothes for him.”

Virgil slowly settled back down to all eights. And then Roman’s voice floated from near the ceiling. “I’m up here.”

Logan studied the ceiling a bit more carefully. There was Roman, hanging from the ceiling surrounded by a loose bag of silk. “As I said, I’ve brought you some new legwear.”

He smiled, carefully not showing off his teeth. “Thanks; hey Virge, can you pass them up to me?”

Virgil let out a slight hiss, but he reached over to Logan and grabbed the bag. Then he closed the door in Logan’s face.

Logan sighed. He just didn’t seem to be making any headway with the giant spider. Everyone else was getting to know him and he was getting to know everyone else.

The smell of bacon led him back to the kitchen, where he was astonished to see that Patton was the one cooking. The werewolf was drooling, for sure, but he was cooking the bacon.

Remus waved from the kitchen table, a bowl of kibble in front of him. “Hi! The bacon will be along shortly. How’d it go?”

Logan sat down. “I thought you were going to be the one cooking.”

Patton growled, his ears twitching backwards. Remus laughed. “Oh come on, Patty, don’t be like that. I only burned the pizza once.”

Logan interpreted that as, “Remus can’t cook.” “Well…the delivery went well, all else considered.” He nodded to Patton as the werewolf set a plate in front of him. “It’s just…I don’t think Virgil likes me very much.”

Patton tilted his head sideways as he gave Remus a plate and sat down with his own bacon and bowl of dry food. Remus looped a tentacle gently over Patton’s shoulders and blinked at Logan. “I could make jokes, but seriously, Virgil doesn’t hand out likes to people very fast. He _hated_ me and Roman when he first met us, and where Ro was concerned the feeling was mutual. When he was human, he’d take a month to decide to even hang out with somebody. He’s probably taking longer to make up his mind to hang out with you because of the spidey thing.”

Patton tapped Remus’s tentacle and pointed at the paper on the fridge. When Remus carried it and a pen over to him with a couple of tentacles, Patton wrote something on it and spun it over to Logan.

_“Now that Remus is out of the bathroom, you can replace reading to him with doing something with Virgil. You’re doing great, kiddo, I’m proud of you for taking all of us on.”_

_Kiddo?_ Logan looked up at him. “That is an excellent suggestion, Patton, thank you.”

Remus laughed as Patton’s tail wagged. “Reads like Patty’s adopted you. He calls everybody kiddo when he has a human voice box.”

Before Logan could answer that, Roman came into the kitchen wearing the new pants. “These are incredible! Thank you!”

Logan absently nodded acknowledgement as he mulled over what Patton had written. _What could I do with Virgil? Would he want to listen to me read, or would he rather we do something else?_


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks to Remus being free again, the system changed only slightly. Now, breakfast was shared with both Patton and Remus, and he would go to spend time with Virgil afterward.

“Spend time” being sitting on one side of a room and talking at Virgil clinging to the opposite wall. Honestly, Logan wasn’t sure if his monologuing was doing anything towards a proper “ice-breaker” with the giant spider; Virgil wasn’t giving any vocalizations to him through the entire process beyond a hiss when he entered the room. He always made sure to take note of what topic he’d been voicing at him so that he wouldn’t end up repeating himself and irritating the spider.

It took about a week after he’d “broken” the curse on Remus (Logan doubted that the process was done, but he doubted he’d get a straight answer if he asked) before finally a breakthrough happened.

Logan headed to Virgil’s “room” after breakfast only to discover that he wasn’t there. However, behind a tied-back hanging web (that was so dusty it was no longer sticky) there was a piece of paper stuck to the wall.

On that paper was a crude drawing. On the left, a stick figure of a human with glasses – clearly Logan himself. On the right, a bunch of trees and a spider that looked disproportionately large in comparison to said trees...that was unquestionably Virgil. An arrow pointed from Logan to the forest, and across the top of the picture was a crescent moon and some stars.

Logan considered this. Clearly Virgil wanted to meet him at the forest at night. Presumably the true phase of the moon didn’t matter. But why? Flipping through his notes, he found what he’d dictated for what he’d monologued about yesterday.

The glowing flower that he’d been looking for when he’d run into Patton.

_Is that why he wants to meet up with me? Is he going to help me find it?_

Needless to say, that threw Logan’s concentration for the entire rest of the day.

That night, Logan went out with a flashlight and shone it around to try to find Virgil.

He found him.

Virgil recoiled with a hiss, lifting his front limbs up to try to shield his eyes.

“Apologies,” he swung the light to the ground as he approached. The spider settled again, and then he jabbed a limb at him with a piece of paper. “What’s this?” he tilted his light at the paper.

A message was scrawled across in very poor penmanship. “ _You won’t need a flashlight. I can see perfectly well in the dark, and any extra light will make it very hard to see what we’re looking for._ ”

“…Very well.” Reluctantly, Logan turned off his flashlight and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. Once he was finally able to make out Virgil’s shape again, he nodded, and they set out into the trees.

Virgil was completely silent, with only shuffles in the leaf litter betraying his presence. Logan made more noise, actively stepping on leaves and twigs that Virgil just gently pushed past, but otherwise also remained silent. He just couldn’t shake his foreboding feeling about what this journey was for. Was Virgil really going to help him with his project, or was there something else going on?

He didn’t know how long they were walking – he didn’t want to be rude and light up the face of his watch – but then he saw a soft glow ahead. “Virgil?” he asked softly.

Virgil shuffled around until he was standing on the opposite side of the glow and waited.

Logan approached cautiously and knelt.

Between them was the flower he’d been searching for. Six glowing petals, sparkling stamens, and…

…and Virgil had moved around behind him. “What are you doing, Virgil?”

One two-clawed foot circled around him to rest gently against his mouth, and then lightly touched one of his temples. Logan could hear…something…behind him, but he couldn’t figure out what the sound was.

The claw moved from his head, and suddenly he could feel something settling over his hair. “Virgil?” he started to turn.

A claw landed on each of his shoulders, and on each side of his head, and turned him so he was facing the flower again. One of the shoulder-claws patted lightly, and whatever Virgil was doing resumed.

Logan fought to hold still, mostly sure that Virgil wasn’t planning on doing anything horrible to him. After all, if he really were going to tie him up and eat him, he wouldn’t be starting the silk cocoon on his head…would he?

After a few seconds more of that, Virgil lifted off the silk “hat” from Logan’s head. He hadn’t dropped the level very far, stopping just above his eyebrows. He flipped the silk over and carefully set it down, making a little bowl. Then he came back around and stood tall on his four back legs.

_Is he…_

He stabbed his front four legs down into the dirt on all four sides of the flower. Then he carefully lifted it up, shuffled in place, and cautiously settled it into the silk basket. As he pulled his four feet back up, he lifted the sides of the basket. After a second of hesitation, he leaned over and grabbed one of Logan’s wrists gently with his pedipalps.

Logan caught on. “You want me to hold up two of the sides?” he asked as he moved to take hold of two. It would make sense, since Virgil wouldn’t be balanced if he tried to stand on only two limbs.

Thus freeing two more limbs, Virgil pulled some silk from behind him and attached a thin handle to each side. Lifting them up, he guided one of Logan’s hands up to take hold of them, resting his little claws on top of his hand.

Logan spent a minute just staring at the enormous spider face in the ethereal light of the flower. Then he leaned over and pressed his lips gently against the point where the two palps met.

Virgil’s immediate reaction was to scuttle backwards out of the flower’s circle of light.

“One of these days I’m going to have to see the initial transformation,” Logan absently spoke to the night.

“Well sorry to disappoint,” a raspy voice sounded from the darkness, “but it’s not going to be me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't justify carrying the chapter far enough for us to see the partially-uncursed Virgil. We'll see him in the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

It took probably a good five minutes to convince Logan to go home with the flower and leave him there. But he finally did, and Virgil was able to quickly spin up some pants. He couldn’t make durable shoes, though, so he walked home using his remaining spider legs.

Once he settled his bare feet on the front porch, he considered what kind of greeting he was going to get. After Remus had gotten a hug from Patton, he’d begged Janus to constrict him (and he did), and then he hugged Roman with all his tentacles. Virgil personally had charged at Remus and knocked him over, and then just stood there over him while Remus had grabbed at his palps and pretended that he was in _The Lord of the Rings_.

 _Well, best not to put off greeting my boyfriends any longer._ He opened the door and walked in, calling snarkily in his disused voice, “Honey, I’m home!”

Patton screamed, flailing his hands excitedly, as Roman and Remus looked into the living room. Three steps later, the werewolf dove into all of his arms to give him puppy kisses. The twins ran over to hug both of them (Remus, having better legs thanks to being partially-freed, got to them first) while Roman screechily declared that it was good to see his face again.

Logan had to be correct about Janus’s hearing being muffled by his scales, because it took Roman’s awful voice-crack to get his attention. And he - 

_Oh, god, I didn’t realize he could move that fast!_

\- Janus whipped into the living room, ricocheting off every solid surface to gain leverage, and coiled practically his entire length around all of them as soon as he realized what he was looking at, his tongue flicking out excitedly and tickling Virgil’s face.

Virgil giggled helplessly as he tried to twist away. “Stop it, already! It’s not like I can shove you off!”

Roman flexed as best he could at the bulk of snake behind him. “Yeah, um, you have to let go first.”

Janus lazily tongue-flicked at Roman’s face, and then just relaxed all at once, letting his coils drop into circles around them.

Roman fell backwards to sit on one of the coils, and Janus adjusted himself to become like a, um…what were those called? Donut couches? _I’m gonna go with donut couch._ “So…where’s the Microsoft Nerd?”

The rest of them took their cue from him and sat down on Janus’s coils. After all, it wasn’t like Janus seemed to mind.

Virgil glanced at Janus, who’d shifted so that his chin was resting on his own coils right next to him, and rubbed the giant snake-nose. “He took the glowy flower I helped him find and went home. He’ll be coming by tomorrow, and I want to get my eyeshadow on before I see him again.”

Remus leaned over and squeezed his ass. “Nice tights, Spidey-Slut; make them yourself?”

Virgil lightly smacked his hand away with a smirk. “As a matter of fact, yes.”

“You planning on seducing Lolo with them? Because I want to see that!”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Not until he’s gotten First Stage with the rest of you lot. He kinda needs to stay focused. And honestly, considering everything, I think I know who he’s going to help next.”

Everybody stared at him expectantly. Patton somehow succeeded in making an “oo” sound.

Virgil smirked again and drummed his fingers on Janus’s scales. “I’m not going to say. You all need to be able to act normal when he comes by tomorrow.”

_Janus. He’s going to help Janus next. Janus is the most logical choice if he’s going down the line of “suffering the most from the curse” down to the “least.” Roman’s still got a voice, and Patton’s having a ton of fun as a werewolf anyway._


	9. Chapter 9

Logan drove over excitedly to Virgil’s house. He was looking forward to seeing what the giant spider had turned into.

Knocking on the door, he was greeted with – as usual – Patton’s barking. Then he heard that same voice as last night. “I hear him, Patton, I hear him!” And Virgil opened the door.

It had to be Virgil. A little shorter than him, wearing some worn-out jeans and black shoes but otherwise his thin frame was exposed, pale skin, almost-black hair and dark brown eyes, with black eyeshadow underneath the two human ones…and four unblinking spider eyes still peering at him through his bangs. Four long spider legs sprouted from his back like Remus’s tentacles still did.

“Hey there, Specs,” he said.

“Ah. Hello.” Logan flushed. From what he’d observed, every single person in this house had a fondness for Virgil, and he could see why: setting aside the arachnoid features, Virgil was quite attractive, and even that didn’t detract from him.

“Patton’s been cooking breakfasts that are a bit more enticing for humans. If you want to try some of his experiments, you’re welcome to. Before he got hit with this case of lycanthropy, he was a good cook, and actually his attempts might be even better now thanks to that nose of his.”

“Um…I suppose I ought to at least try it to be polite.” Logan followed Virgil inside. He was a little apprehensive about trying whatever Patton came up with, but…he’d managed the bacon just fine, and he’d certainly requested enough specific items for Logan to purchase for them that he clearly knew what he was doing…

A spider leg draped itself over his shoulders, causing him to startle. “Eh, don’t worry about it. This is my first time trying his stuff, too. Remus says it’s fine, but I always take what he says with a grain of salt – just a grain, though, because this is still Patton’s cooking we’re talking about.”

The highest level of faith in the werewolf was so touching.

Breakfast was going to get more and more elaborate the more people were able to eat it, apparently. When it was just himself and Patton, Logan would pack up his own breakfast and bring it with him, and Patton would just have his dry food. He’d been reluctant to buy human food to leave there, since he was literally going to be the only one who could eat it. He hadn’t stocked the kitchen even remotely until after he’d gotten Remus out of the bathroom. From there, Patton would cook either bacon or eggs – but not both at once – along with his own dry food.

Today, Patton had apparently decided to make fancy omelets for those who could eat them. Virgil tucked in as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks.

Which… “Virgil, when was the last time you’d eaten?”

“Mmm?” He swallowed his last mouthful. “Well, as a spider I could only ‘eat’ liquids, and my last trip out with Janus was about a week ago. Drained that deer dry, but…” he went quiet, clearly trying to figure out exactly how to say it. “Okay, here’s the thing: when we were all cursed, we wound up on separate…stomach clocks, I guess. If you noticed just how skinny Roman was and still is, well, he’s actually struggling more than he’s trying to let on because he’s got the same stomach clock that he used to have, but he can’t eat human food.”

_Roman’s supposed to eat at least once a day, but can’t? He’s suffering more than I thought from this._

“Patton and Remus were also on human stomach clocks, but Remus was able to stay the best-fed out of the three of them because of Patton fishing for him.” He glanced down. “I only needed to eat once a week, but since I could only eat liquids, it didn’t carry over very well when I got my human digestive system back.” He shoveled another bite into his mouth. “Janush only needsh to eat onsch a month.”

 _I was going to break the curse on Janus next, but if he recently went hunting, and the digestive system can be strange in the transition, I’d better wait until I’m sure he doesn’t have a dead deer somewhere along his digestive tract._ “And you all ate from the same deer?”

Virgil nodded.

 _Roman’s starving. How did I not notice that?_ Suddenly, Logan’s appetite was gone. “Excuse me.” He stood up and left the room.

Wandering around, he finally found Roman lying unnaturally still on a bed. “Roman?”

Roman slit one eye open. “I thought you were having breakfast with…”

“It has come to my attention that you were suffering from malnutrition just as strongly as Patton was when I first came to you. This must be corrected.”

Roman slowly sat up. “It’s not that bad…Patton couldn’t eat at all, for moral reasons. I could eat when Janus and Virge caught something…”

“But it hasn’t been enough. Janus only hunts once a month, and you need to eat more often than that.” Logan took a deep breath. Then he grabbed the collar of Roman’s shirt and hauled him over, giving him a brief kiss on the mouth. Releasing him, he leaned back to watch.

Roman’s eyes went wide. Then everything slowly started shifting on him.

His hair thickened and filled out more, his face took on something closer to Remus’s – without a moustache, but otherwise they were basically the same – and his limbs filled out. The wing webbing mostly disappeared, although his hands were still distorted. He also still had slightly pointed ears, and there was something still not quite human about his eyes.

“I…” he still had fangs, but now they weren’t the only teeth in the front of his mouth. “I…thank you.” He stood up, clearly intent on going to the kitchen for breakfast.

His legs gave out, and he dropped to the floor on his hands and knees.

Logan sighed. “I feared as much. Breaking the curse even partway takes something from the victim, and you likely shouldn’t have solid food on an empty stomach.” He hefted Roman back to his feet – Roman was a little taller – and pulled the collar of his shirt away from his neck. “I’ll only let you do this once, just enough to give you the boost you’ll need to properly rejoin those of us who can eat human food.”

Roman went completely still. Glancing up at his face, Logan could see that his eyes had gone red. “You’re sure?” At least his voice wasn’t whistling on each S anymore; amazing what a few incisors could do.

Logan nodded. “You won’t kill me. It’s against your nature.”

The far more handsome vampire nodded slowly. Then he clung to Logan, probably partly to keep the human from moving and partly to keep himself from falling down again.

Logan felt Roman’s breath against his neck. Then he felt Roman’s fangs, and he kept his vocalizations behind his own teeth.

They stood like that for approximately fifteen seconds, with Roman clearly trying to be careful about his drinking speed. And when he finally released Logan from the grip of his teeth, Logan didn’t feel overly lightheaded; a little dizzy, maybe, but that was all. “How…how much do you suppose you took?”

Roman wiped at his teeth with a finger. “Dunno, maybe half a mug? I’m still hungry.”

Logan straightened his shirt in an attempt to hide where Roman’s fangs had marked him. “Come on, then. The breakfast table should still be open.”

They were clinging to each other as they walked, keeping each other steady. And Logan already knew that even if he did form a more-than-friends relationship with any of the other cursed men in this house, he wasn’t going to go further with Roman. It was hard to think that way about someone so lacking in common sense that he wouldn’t bother to mention that he was starving to death.

When they entered the kitchen, Patton stared at them. His fur lifted a little as his nose twitched.

Remus was far more positive as Roman grabbed a bite of omelet from Logan’s waiting plate and popped it into his mouth. “Hey, you’re not so ugly anymore!”

Not particularly fair, but accurate.

Virgil studied Roman, and then grabbed his collar and kissed him.

“Everybody’s grabbing my collar today,” Roman complained good-naturedly when he was able to.

Patton walked over and stared into Logan’s face, the slightest curl to his upper lip.

“Yes?”

Rather than answer – not that he could speak – he grabbed Logan’s wrist and tugged him back to his chair, forcing him to sit down. Then he strode over to the fridge and pulled a first-aid kit from a cupboard above it.

“Oh. It’s not a big deal, I offered and Roman was careful…”

Patton gave a sharp bark, silencing him. He turned around and snapped his jaws, plucking at an imaginary shirt.

Remus laughed. “I told you you’ve been adopted! Just go with it.”

Logan sighed and pulled his shirt off, wincing slightly as the movement caused the bite to twinge.

“Well,” Remus quipped appreciatively as Patton got a washcloth wet, “looks like you’ve got some muscle on you!”

Logan was going to answer that. But then Patton started washing off the bite mark, and he yelped instead. “Patton, be gentle!”

The werewolf touched his nose against Logan’s cheek by way of apology, but he didn’t leave him alone until he’d washed and dried the bite and slapped a large bandage over it.

“…Thank you, Patton.”

“Hey, Padre,” Roman called from where he was sitting, having cleaned off Logan’s abandoned plate, “are there any more eggs, or am I going to have to have kibble? I’m still hungry!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd rethought who would be the next most logical person to free.


	10. Chapter 10

It was barely a week after Roman was partially uncursed, and Logan sensed a change in the energy of the house. There was a heavy layer of tension. “Is something wrong?”

Patton whimpered, and Virgil hugged himself with his spider arms. Roman and Remus looked at each other in a brief silent communication.

Roman was the one to answer him. “It’s Janus. He’s been acting…weird.”

Remus laughed. “Weird’s an understatement! I went into his room and he nearly took my head off!”

 _And this doesn’t worry him?_ “I think I’ll go check on him.”

“Careful,” Virgil set a hand on his shoulder. “He’s really nuts right now.”

Logan nodded and headed off deeper into the house.

When he found the room he last remembered seeing Janus in, he listened at the door. Dealing with a giant snake who was acting aggressive would take extreme caution.

There was the sound of movement inside.

Logan knocked loudly. “Janus?”

A loud hiss sounded from within, and suddenly the door shook with an impact. He jumped back. _He struck at the door!_ “Janus, it’s me, Logan! May I come in?” It did occur to him that Janus by all rights should have been trapped in this room, as he didn’t have hands. However, when he’d brought up that question to Roman, he’d been reassured “he got the hang of opening doors after about a week.”

There was silence. And then he heard a thump as if something had hit the floor.

“…I’m coming in.” Logan cautiously opened the door and entered.

Janus was definitely off-color – literally: his green-gold scales were dull. His tongue was flicking out frequently in Logan’s direction, but his head was swinging erratically from side to side.

Then Logan noticed Janus’s eyes. They were a cloudy blue instead of his usual brown, and there was no sign of his pupils. “Janus, you’re in blue!” Suddenly, it all made sense: he wasn’t aggressive, he was just completely blind and on the defensive as a result.

Janus tongue-flicked at him and tilted his head to the side, letting out a low hiss that somehow held a question.

“Has this not happened before in the entire time you were cursed?” Upon the responding negative head-shake, Logan elaborated. “Snakes shed their skins once or twice a year upon reaching maturity. The process begins with a buildup of oil between the old skin and the new in order to begin the separation. This dulls the color and blinds the snake, as you essentially have a colored fluid trapped between two membranes over your eyes. Because of the color this often causes the eyes to become, it is called ‘in blue.’”

The giant snake hissed and his tail spasmed, shoving a small table that he’d evidently knocked over.

“After the blue phase comes the clear phase. You will regain your sight, but that will be the sign you have to get the shed off. And no, I don’t know how long you will remain in blue before then.”

Janus lowered his head until his chin was on the floor.

“A successful shed is achieved with high humidity. If you will permit, I shall set up the bathroom for you as an improvised humidity box.”

Janus tongue-flicked at him again.

Logan left the room and headed back to the living room. “Janus is fine, he’s just beginning the process of shedding.”

Everyone sighed in relief.

“I’m going to set up the bathroom so that he can have optimal humidity during this procedure, but that will mean that the bathroom door will have to be opened as seldom as possible to keep the humidity high. This won’t be convenient for anyone, so I would like to extend an invitation for some of you to come live at my house for the duration – not all of you, someone would have to stay to keep Janus company and ensure the humidity stays constant.”

Remus grinned. “I’ll come stay with you!”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “I’ll come too, to keep this tentacled nutcase out of trouble.”

Logan nodded. “That would be best. If you could gather up anything you feel you’d need, I’ll set up the bathroom. Roman, Patton, if you’re staying, you will have to come with me to ensure that you know what the bathroom’s supposed to remain like.”

Everyone nodded, and they split up. Remus and Virgil went off – presumably to gather their things – while Logan, Roman and Patton all crowded into the bathroom.

“Alright,” Logan took charge, “I will have to apologize to Virgil for what this is going to do to his heating bill, but we need as much hot water as possible. Run both faucets until the water goes hot, and then stop up the sink and bathtub and fill them.”

Roman took charge of the sink, while Patton went to the tub, and they followed the directions until Logan’s glasses fogged up.

“That should be enough. Now…we should move Janus in here.”

That took some doing; Janus was extremely reluctant to move. It took Logan, Roman, Patton _and_ Virgil all together to coax him along, but finally he was inside where he needed to be.

Virgil emerged from the bathroom once Janus was settled. He’d been the one to settle him because, as he said, he needed to say goodbye. “Okay, he’s fine. So how are we doing this?”

“We’ll need to make sure nobody sees any tentacles or spider legs. I’d rather we didn’t cause any more of a stir than absolutely necessary.”

That sent Virgil running off to get some blankets from a storage closet.

“You know, it’s kind of ironic,” Remus said to nobody in particular. “I started this whole shitty mess locked in the bathroom, and now Janus is locked in there.”

“He’s not locked in,” Logan felt impelled to elaborate, “he can come out whenever he wants; however, now that he’s in there he’s not likely to leave anytime soon. Also,” he glanced over at Roman and Patton, “if anyone were to consider attempting to feed him, he will be off his food during this time. It’ll be better to just wait until he’s out of blue at least.”

Patton whimpered – probably at the implication that Janus wasn’t feeling well – but nodded.

“You don’t need to worry,” Logan set a hand on Patton’s shoulder, “it only takes about a week at the maximum for the skin to be ready to shed off. He’ll be back to whatever counts as normal for him right now soon.” He dropped a quick kiss onto the werewolf’s nose – just barely onto the mouth – and headed out the door with Remus and Virgil, both of them with blankets over their shoulders. “See you later, you two!”

They loaded up into Logan’s car, but right as he started the engine, Virgil spoke. “Can we stop off somewhere real quick?”

“Certainly, but why?”

Virgil rattled off an address. “We need to get a new pair of glasses…for Patton.”

Logan turned and stared into the back seat. “I wasn’t watching, was I enough on target?”

“Yup. He lost his glasses within the first three days of being a werewolf since he couldn’t wear them properly, and he didn’t want to bother going to get his backup pair if they were just going to get lost as well. You can drop us off at your place before bringing them back to him, it’s fine.”

Stopping off at Patton’s house, Virgil went in to collect the glasses. “I’ll be honest, I’m not completely sure where his backup pair is; we only talked about it once before we got cursed, and all he told me was that he _had_ a backup pair.”

“Take as much time as you need.”

“Yeah, absolutely, go for it!” Remus waved him off. Virgil barely went into the house before a tentacle slid up Logan’s arm. “Shall we make out?”

“Remus…” Logan sighed. “Put. Your tentacles. Back.”

“Come onnnn…”

He grabbed hold of the exploring limb and lifted his index finger towards Remus. “You have asked me about whether I would change my relationship status with you on numerous occasions. I have been too distracted to truly think about it, so please…give me a few minutes to consider this without any distractions.”

Remus tugged his tentacle free again. “When will I get an answer?”

Logan studied him. “…When we get back to my house.” The only way he was going to get any peace and quiet on the subject was if he shot for a distant point in time, but he doubted he could get Remus to wait until tomorrow.

“Okay.” Remus settled back in the seat and stared out the window.

Logan gazed contemplatively out the windshield. He had no romantic attraction whatsoever to Patton or Roman. The others, however…they were another story. Remus was the only one who’d explicitly said that he wanted to add Logan to his personal collection, but Virgil had given him several looks that were filled with hidden meaning, and as for Janus…well…considering he was still a snake, it was hard to read anything from him. However, sometimes he would “constrict” Logan away from the chessboard and drop a book into his lap as his request for a change of pace, and he literally would not let go until he’d decided that Logan had read enough. Sometimes Logan would finish the book and Janus would keep a hold of him for another five minutes in that serpentine hug, not letting go until Logan specifically said he had something else to do.

He had more or less figured out who was “with” who, and recognized that none of them were possessive. Patton and Roman seemed willing to “share” their boyfriends with him if interests spread in that direction (although Roman had very specifically declared that he didn’t want to hear anything about what Logan got up to with Remus).

And Logan…could not, in all honesty, say that he wasn’t intrigued by the three humans who were cursed to be furthest away from human. It left him wondering _why._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, we will see Halfway Patton.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Logan gives Remus (and by proxy Virgil) an answer, and discovers he regrets freeing Patton's voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a heads-up, I'm still inexperienced at writing "hey, let's hook up sexually/romantically!""...okay" scenarios, so things are likely to come across as clunky.  
> Also, while I live to entertain, I am not funny, so don't expect anything huge. Okay? Okay.

Logan spent the entire drive back to his home in silence, and amazingly so did Remus. And just about the time he parked, he came to a decision.

Carefully, he got his two blanket-caped friends into his living room. As soon as they stopped, Remus threw off his blanket and stretched his tentacles out to the ceiling. “Aah, this is much better!”

Virgil kept his blanket tugged around him, shivering. “Yeah…but can we turn the temperature up a little? I mean, since I can’t wear a shirt until I lose these spider legs…”

“Of course.” Logan went to his thermostat and turned up the temperature a couple of degrees. Then he retrieved one of his more casual shirts. Returning to his unexpected new roommates, he pitched the shirt towards Remus. “Here. Your tentacles are still boneless, so they can be squished underneath fabric without any harm.”

Remus snagged the shirt out of the air with one of the formerly-addressed appendages. “Aw, you mean you don’t want to look at these anymore?” he flexed his muscles.

Logan rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to; I’m not insisting on it. I just want to ensure that you have the option. Besides, look at it,” he gestured at the shirt.

Remus took the shirt from his tentacle, unrolled it and held it up. Logan knew the shirt had a hideously-malformed pi symbol on the front, with the word “octopi” above it. It had been a joke gift from someone at work, and Logan had worn it maybe once since receiving it. It wasn’t his style, but he figured it might tickle this former kraken’s sense of humor.

As soon as Remus took it in, he started laughing. “Oh, that’s just perfect!” He pulled it on instantly and displayed it to Virgil, who smirked.

“Yup, it suits you. Your first shirt since you got cursed.”

Remus swiveled back to Logan. “Does this mean you’re up for shower sex someday?”

Logan blushed instantly. “ _Some_ day being the operative compound word. I must say, I am…available…and I do find your household intriguing. Especially Janus, if he’ll have me…” he glanced at the spider-boy, “Virgil…” _again, if you’ll have me,_ he returned his gaze to Remus, “…and you. However, I still know very little about you two, so I would like us to spend some time getting to know each other before anything else takes place.” _Also,_ Logan added to himself, _it would be best if all members of the household were able to verbally consent to my being a part of their group._

Remus let out an overly dramatic groan. “ _Bor_ ing!” At Virgil’s elbow in the side, he added, “But if you say so, I’ll be good…mostly.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “You’re probably worrying too much,” he told Logan with a strangely fond smile. “But I do agree, we should probably give Janus back his powers of speech and have what Patton would call a family chat to make sure we’re all agreed.”

“Speaking of Patton,” Logan held his hand out towards Virgil, “I should probably get his glasses back to him.”

Virgil passed him the case. “Have fun.”

“I’ll properly instate the house rules when I come back this evening; for now, though, all I’ll say is stay out of my room and don’t break anything.” He heard a vague affirmative from the two as he headed back out.

Returning to Virgil’s house, he knocked on the door.

Roman opened it, and let him in upon seeing the case in his hands. “Thanks. Patton’s been coping without his glasses, but he’d really rather be able to see clearly.”

“Well then, let’s grant him his sight back.” Rounding a corner into the dining room, he saw Patton with his head in the fridge.

From behind, Patton looked mostly back to normal. Sure, he was still standing digitigrade with paws and he still had a tail, but he was wearing a light blue shirt where before he was stuck only wearing pants, so in theory enough had changed to where further clothing was permissible.

“Patton?”

The young man pulled out and turned around. He still had pointed wolf ears, but they were back in a human position, the hair on his head had returned to the mere amount appropriate for a human and he had a round human face instead. He squinted for a second, and then broke into a big toothy grin (so he still had the wolf teeth for the most part). “Logan! Howl’s it going?”

Logan blinked. “Um…I brought your…glasses.” He held the case out.

“Thanks!” He bounced over – Logan figured that if he was standing flat-footed he’d be a little shorter, but as it was the wolf boy was taller – and took the case from him with still-slightly-clawed hands. Pulling them out and putting them on, his tail started wagging and he squealed, “Hey, we have the same glasses!”

Logan blinked again. Well…they _did_ resemble his… “…It would appear so.”

“By the way, Roman,” Patton looked over at the vampire, “fangs for helping me find a shirt!”

_Okay, Logan, don’t panic; that was probably just a coincidence…_

Roman grinned. “No problem, Padre. It’s just a good thing you’d left some of your stuff here before the incident. Too bad you lost your hoodie, though.”

“Isn’t it? I’ve been pawsitively devastated about it! But I will find it again eventually, mark my woof!”

 _Oh no…_ It slowly dawned on Logan that Patton really enjoyed making puns - _he_ probably would have enjoyed the “octopi” shirt as well – and was now going to celebrate having a human voice again by making puns and jokes _constantly._ “Well,” Logan stammered, taking a step backward, “It was nice to see what you look like now, but I really ought to get back to Virgil and Remus, I need to establish what the rules will be for staying there…”

Patton started to turn on the sad-puppy face. But then Roman, apparently reading something on Logan’s face, leaned over and whispered in one of his furry ears. And then Patton turned on an understanding smile. “It’s okay, I get it. I love Remus, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not exactly the most housetrained of people. Will you be coming back for dinner, though?”

“I…might.” Logan couldn’t promise anything further. He just couldn’t.

“Okay, I’ll make enough dinner for three, and if you can’t make it, I can just have your share – I’m sure I’ll be as…”

“Don’t you dare!”

“…Hungry as a wolf!”


End file.
